Hetalia style Touhou Songfics
by Kikiarachanxoxo
Summary: Just a bunch of random Touhou songfic drabbles using Hetalia characters. Minor violence; first story I've written here. Human names used  mostly . Minor/Major OCC depending on the song.
1. Homework Never Ends

Four young Asian siblings walked home from the park. All of them were smiling from the fun that they had.

"Aah~ We had so much fun, da ze~!" One cried out, "I wonder what we're going to do tomorrow~?"

"Aren't you going to do the homework, Soo-Young?" Another asked, cocking her head to the side.

"…Now that you mention it, it _is _the last day of vacation." A third said.

All of them, except the curious girl, stopped.

"WHAT!" They said.

"Our homework is so white, da ze!" He yelled.

At their house, the three of them were scribbling all over their homework to finish it.

"Someone help me with math now!" Viet said with an angry face.

"I don't have time to do that," Kiku said, "just use the abacus."

Kiku looked back at his homework and threw the abacus at Viet, but she didn't catch it, so it smacked her in the face.

"Isn't the abacus in your face?" Soo-Young pointed out.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Viet yelled with imaginary fire behind her.

She lunged at Kiku, only to miss and have a bump on her head. She cried for a bit at the pain, so she headed towards the door to get a Band-Aid.

"We-We're locked in," She said, "we can't leave!"

"Then we can goof off, right?" Kiku asked.

Soo-Young, not paying attention to anything that was happening around him, continued his homework, and then asked, "three plus one is eight, right da ze? You guys?"

Yao, their older brother, watched them from a corner and noted that they weren't going to finished.

He sighed and said, "for the moment, aru, just calm down. You guys can finish this, aru."

Soo-Young stopped doing his homework while Yao was talking. A mischievous smile grew on his face as he prepared to tackle his older brother from behind, wanting to claim his brother's chest as his. Yao sensed it and smacked Soo-Young for attempting so.

"We'll never finish!" Viet complained, looking at all of the questions she had to answer.

"While Viet's not paying attention, I'll just doodle in her work." Kiku muttered to himself.

Viet heard it, turned around, and said, "That's it! I'm taking you out first!" For she usually couldn't stand her brothers.

"Go on, try it," Kiku mocked, "You wouldn't dare."

"Oh really~?" Viet asked, reaching for her paddle, "TASTE MY PADDLE FURY!"

Seeing how Kiku kept dodging her swings, Viet crumpled up and ripped his homework, resulting in Kiku crying over his homework.

"Ahahaha!" Viet laughed, "You still care about your homework? How pathetic." She taunted.

Yao looked to his, usually, more calm and mature siblings' fight and said, "This is already out of my control, aru. It seems they can't focus."

"I'll never forgive you for this!" Kiku said, "Now I'll just have to doodle some more in your homework!"

"Don't do it- Wait, you're not too bad at it," Viet said, staring at the drawings.

"I'd really like some kimchi, da ze," Soo-Young said without caring about his older siblings fighting, "Does anyone have some?"

"Soo-Young, aru! Quit acting hungry and finish your homework!" Yao shouted over Viet's and Kiku's bickering.

When the fight resided, Kiku, Viet, and Soo-Young stared at their homework.

"You can't even tell what's on here." Kiku complained.

"Does that really matter, Kiku?" Viet asked, "mine's covered in drawings!"

Soo-Young groaned and asked, "When will this be over da ze?"

Yao looked at the clock and said, "Wait a moment, it's almost four, aru."

Upon hearing that, the three children cried. They began to fight, breaking the walls, shouting at each other, but even through this, if anyone was around, they could've heard Yao muttering in the corner.

"In spite of everything, aru, they're wasting their time," He said, "Did they call for me just to help them or am I slowing down time for them? Aah… It doesn't matter anymore; my job is done, aru."

He turned back to where his siblings were, but they were all around the room. Kiku had a bump from Viet's paddle. Viet was in the fetal position muttering something about her breasts being claimed. And Soo-Young was stuck with his head in the TV.

Yao took his siblings outside just as the sun was rising.

"There's the beautiful sun, aru. Did you guys finish your homework?" He asked.

"What do you think?" The three chorused, glaring at their older sibling, "of course we didn't."

"Yay~!" Two voices cheered not too far from the group, "Our homework's done!"

Kiku, Viet, and Soo-Young turned their heads to their other siblings, "How'd Mei and Hong finish their homework!"


	2. Convictor Vash

I took my little sister Lilli to my office, where I wanted to teach her about my job so that she could do it as effectively as I could. In this sinful world, it is my job to differentiate black, white, and CONVICTS.

I took out a folder with some of the most common convicts I had. It had quite a few people in there, and I was sure by the look on Lilli's face that she would have some trouble remembering these people.

"Now, Lilli, what's the main reason I do my job?" I asked.

"To restore justice to our city," she responded off the top of her head.

"And my trials?"

"Those present their charges."

"The presumption?"

"The result of the judgment is tentative."

"Assumption?"

"Vash… Your assumptions are always guilty."

"Good that you remembered. You always have to make the difference of black, white, and convicts clear."

I opened the folder. The first person didn't get into trouble so much, but I just like to keep tabs on certain people in the city.

"Viet, the poor Asian, is actually doing quite well for herself. Business isn't booming, but she certainly isn't poor. That swindler!"

"Viet: She's not a criminal but she's suspicious." Lilli said.

"Gilbert! The drunkard with the ego! You may think he's fine, but he's really a clingy stalker!"

"Gilbert: The drunk stalker. Got it."

"Mei: Viet's 'pure' sister-in-law. But she's really evil!"

"Mei: looks decive."

"Alfred: Borrows everything, but he actually steals! Plus he captures all the girl's hearts!"

"Alfred: Chick magnet thief."

"Feliciano: . He's not worth sending to hell."

"He's not a criminal the-"

"Yao! He needs to stop saying "aru, aru" it gets on my nerves! Grr."

"That's not one eith-"

"Everyone's worthy of being convicted!"

Lilli looked at me strangely. Poor girl, she doesn't know how to tell the difference between an innocent person and convict. Tsk. She'll learn.

"Anyways, the most common sentence I give others is: 3 years of hard labor with no 3 o'clock snack!"

"That's horrible!" She said.

"What? They can have bananas and mushrooms. Those don't count for snacks."

"You're really mean in your trials, Vash."

"Lilli, it's all because I can tell that they're guilty. Remember: You're either pure (white) or sinful (black); there is no grey."

"Of course there's a grey. You can't be either or."

"Soo-Young: That pitiful boy, but he's a gluttonous vacuum. Kimchi shouldn't be a meal so eat something else."

"I don't think I should repeat anymore. These people aren't criminals." Lilli muttered to herself.

"Francis: He is reeks of crime. We all know he hides his cash, and he's a pervert. Ivan: He is one fight away from destroying the city, so he should be kept an eye on at all times. Lilli! Don't be slacking off because you're bored."

"Fine!"

I listed a bunch of other people in the folder. No matter how much Lilli said that doing this to people is harsh, I'm not going to believe her. Psh. It's not like I'm going to see them again outside of the court house.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FastForward (because I have no idea how to use those black line divider things)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well… I was wrong. My house is full of those convicts…

"It's a good thing I keep a gun with me at all times." I said as I drew a shotgun at them.

**Author's Note**: **If you want to know the name of the songs, the first one is "Homework Never Ends" and this one is "Convictor Yamaxanadu". If you see the music video for this song, then you'll see why I made Vash so mean.**


	3. Laugh Maker

**I don't own Hetalia or Touhou, only the fanfic. **

**Song: Laugh Maker**

**Characters: Spain (Antonio) and Romano (Lovino)**

Crying could be heard throughout the entire house. Deep inside said house, there was a little boy, profusely weeping in a locked room. His older brother (1) was very concerned about his little brother's crying, so he put on a "funny" (2) mask and headed towards the room. He knocked on the door.

"Who's there? What do you want?" The little boy asked after holding back tears.

"They call me the Laugh Maker, Lovino~! Let me come in and make you smile." His brother replied.

"Laugh Maker? Don't make this a damn joke! I don't remember calling anyone like that. Leave me alone to cry already!"

Unable to get into Lovino's room, Antonio started to make funny noises. Unfortunately, Lovino's crying was much louder than the noises Antonio made, and Antonio gave up after a few minutes of nothing but crying. Water could be seen coming out of the flooded room, so Antonio knocked again.

"Are you still there, you bastard? I told you to get lost." Lovino said between hiccups.

Antonio gasped, "That's the first time I've been told that! I'm so sad now, I think I'm going to cry."

"I don't care if you start to cry," Lovino yelled, "I'm the one who's crying. I don't think I asked for someone like you."

Now the both of them were crying. Everyone heard it; their maids, neighbors, and friends all did. It was a beautiful day, but the two brothers were back-to-back, separated by a door and crying. Lovino looked out his window and saw all of his friends having fun, so he cried even harder. That wasn't all, for Lovino started having flashbacks of when he was that happy. He remembered all of the pranks he pulled on the maids and all of the mischief he caused. This caused him to hug his knees tighter than he was before.

Antonio sighed softly at what a mess was being made. He couldn't make Lovino laugh or smile and instead got himself to cry, though now their voices were tired out. All they did now was just hiccupping and feeling bad about them. Then Antonio took off his mask to let the tears come out. As soon as he was about to give up, Lovino begun to speak again.

"Do you still intend for me to smile, you damn Laugh Maker?"

Antonio smiled at how Lovino wanted to be made happy by him. He got up and out of the house. Lovino had no idea of this, and, when he heard no response, he cried out.

"Laugh Maker? You damn bastard! As soon as I trust you, you go and leave me! Say something if you're there!" Lovino cried more than he had ever before that day, "It can't be! Why'd you leave me?"

There was a sound of the window crashing, so Lovino turned around from the door. It turned out that Antonio broke the window with an iron pipe. He had a few scratches on him, but he smiled and held out a small mirror.

"Look in here," He began, "even someone frowning like you can smile~."

Lovino laughed and said, "I guess I can smile because of you."

And as he said that, Lovino playfully punched his brother in the stomach, and, instead of crying, laughter rang out through the house.

**(1)- I know that Antonio and Lovino are not brothers, but I made Antonio and Lovino brothers only because writing this would have been easier.**

**(2)- The "funny" mask in the music video was a kind of Scream mask… And it kinda scared me. **

**Thanks for reading! This might've been the shortest thing that I've wrote, but I hope you guys enjoyed it! Please review; I'll be very happy if you guys do!**

**Music videos: Homework never ends: ****.com/watch?v=pKkvn4bSIWc**

**Danzai/Convictor Yamaxanadu: ****.com/watch?v=BsBgCYL9Dn8&feature=related**

**Laugh Maker: .com/watch?v=k3TViF-tqjA&list=WL5C4521625528D60E&index=3**


	4. The Unbelievable Ivan Assault

**I****still****don****'****t****own****Hetalia****or****Touhou****(I****'****d****love****to****though)**

**Song: The Unbelievable Alice Assault **

**Characters: China, Japan, and Russia**

**Warning: The original song is a rap**

Ivan was walking in the shopping center, looking for his friend Yao. His eyes widened when he saw the place where Yao was going to meet him. The two of them were going to sell various trinkets to the shoppers. His hand gripped his vodka tight. He walked up to Kiku who was taking his friend's spot.

"Your tablecloth's off a few centimeters, da~? Why are you going against regulations like this?" He asked with a violent aura surrounding him.

Kiku looked up from his manga and said, "oh… Sorry about that. I'll fix it next time."

"What a half-assed answer. I'm not pleased with that, da."

Ivan knocked some of the trinkets off the table, resulting in quite a few glances from others because of the noise. Kiku looked back up at him with a bored expression.

"What was that about?" He asked.

"What's with your snarky attitude? This is supposed to be a fun place, but it doesn't look like that from your laziness, da~?"

By now, Ivan was smiling his childish smile. Anyone who knew him well enough knew that his smile was generally not a good thing, but Kiku did not get out of his house enough, so Kiku didn't know what was going on.

"Yao and I applied for this shared space. And for your information, I didn't get here from just reading manga. I was dragged out of my library and taken here by Yao. I'd also appreciate you not butting into this thing." Kiku said, expression never changing.

"Hey, what's with that attitude of yours?" Ivan asked.

"That's my line. What's up with yours?"

"No one asked you, da?"

"I don't care."

Now, a crowd formed around the little trinket booth, wondering what the fight was about. Even though no one knew what the two foreigners were saying, they could tell that Kiku was winning the verbal fight. Ivan was breaking down and almost yelling at Kiku, who sat quickly spitting out comebacks with no emotion whatsoever.

"Hey guys~" Another voice said, "sorry that I'm la- Whoa! This doesn't look like normal conversation, aru. Why are you two fighting?"

Ivan pointed an accusing finger at Kiku and asked, "Hey, what're you doing, applying for shared spaces?"

"Was I supposed to tell you?" Yao asked with an innocent face.

"Awhile ago, you asked to do a collab with me, da? Why are you pairing up with this shut-in?"

Kiku made his way into the chat. "Hey, I hear you're spouting quite a lot of rude things over here, saying whatever you want. I'll have you know that I wanted no part in this. But you had to be all *mocking tone* So scary. So annoying. Whatever shall I do? *normal tone* What's with you and pressuring other people out here? Don't you realize that?"

Yao stood in front of his two bickering friends, speechless. They kept spouting all these mean things, worse than the last.

"What's with your attitude, da?"

"That's my line. What's with yours?"

"I can't just take this."

"I can't take this anymore."

Yao decided to butt in and said, "You guys, aru… don't be fighting. Fighting is never good, aru. As fellow friends, we should respect each other's space, aru~. See? I said something good!"

Kiku retorted, "You have a good point there, but, see this book? It has half of its pages missing, I should know, I just finished it."

"Eh?"

"What, Yao, you really did that? Is that why everyone says you steal things, da? **(1)**"

"No! I- I was just borrowing it, aru."

Ivan and Kiku cried out, "That's not the point! Geez."

"What's with that, da?"

"I agree, what's with him?"

"I can't just let that go."

"I really can't take this anymore."

It was then that Yao's two best friends turned on him. They kept asking what the heck he was doing, going around and stealing things.

**(1)- Well… Remember the Hetalia episode where China wants to help Japan with some electronic making… things? And then Japan started lecturing China on copyrighted things like that. So, that's where I got China being a thief.**


	5. Sweets Time Midnight

**I****still****don****'****t****own****Hetalia****or****Touhou****(I****'****d****love****to****though)**

**Song: Sweets Time Midnight **

**Characters: Russia**

**Warning: SAD song. The real lyrics mean NOTHING about honey or… silver teaspoons O.o**

Torris screamed while Ivan was torturing him… Or, to Ivan, just playing with him. Ivan chuckled at Torris's pain. His (Ivan) smile grew childish as the screams grew louder. When Torris could not scream anymore, Ivan grew bored and locked up the room where Torris lay. An old song popped up in his head.

Ivan smiled and sang slowly, "Apples and honey, the jam in the tea is apricot~ I threw the silver teaspoon against the wall~"

A weak gust of winter wind blew across the dead garden where Ivan walked, creating something that sounded like moaning. The smile crept on Ivan's face. It reminded him of the torture stories his uncle **(1)** used to tell him about the wars. _Internal__organs__and__brain__fluids,__the__hair__in__the__blood__is__apricot.__I__threw__the__skeletal__remains__against__the__wall_ **(2)**.

Ivan stopped at his old room, where most of his childhood was spent. Broken toys were spread out everywhere, and his bed sheets were filled with holes. Another gust of wind blew by, making more moaning noises.

"Hurry up, let's play some more. The dolls never say anything~ They just sing one song. The song they know~" His voice echoed in the empty room.

_Hurry__up,__let__'__s__play.__The__lifeless__bodies__don__'__t__do__anything.__They__just__scream,__because__screaming__'__s__the__only__thing__they__know._ He looked at his dark closet. A few skeletons of rats and mice still laid there. He sighed, but continued his slow song.

"The blue bird escapes from its basket. It gets beaten by the rain and gets its wings torn off~"

_The__dying__person__escapes__from__he__'__s__cell.__He__gets__beaten__in__war__and__has__his__flesh__torn__off._ Ivan sighed and continued his walk down a long hallway. Some old music sheets were blown around by the wind.

"Come along, and sing with me. Please teach me a new song~ No one answers nor do they ever sing to me."

He passed by the kitchen, where his older sister was cooking dinner. That was the only warm area in his house so far.

His sister overheard him slowly say "I'll give you a piece of sweet melting chocolate~ Wasn't that delicious? Let's sing some more~"

_I__'__ll__give__you__a__piece__… __A__piece__of__flesh__dripping__with__venomous__black__blood.__Wasn__'__t__that__good?__We__'__ll__sing__some__more._ His sister didn't remember their uncle's story, because he knew she didn't want to remember. He looked at her, shaking her head and chuckling at his song. All he did was give her his signature childish smile. The wind blew again, but, this time, stronger.

"Apples and honey, if I mix their red and gold, will it turn black? The same color as the sky?"

_Internal__organs__and__brain__fluids,__if__I__mix__their__red__and__gold,__will__it__turn__black?__The__same__color__as__the__prison__ceiling?_His attention turned from the song to a shadow he saw in the distance. It was the shape of a man, hurt, judging by his limping walk. Ivan immediately knew that Torris escaped from his cell. He began to sing again as the wind picked up, along with his pace.

"Hurry up, let us play. The dolls haven't said anything today. I'll sprinkle some honey on that red dress."

_Hurry__up,__let__us__play.__The__corpses__haven__'__t__said__anything__today.__I__'__ll__crack__open__a__skull__and__sprinkle__some__brains__on__your__bloodied__clothes._Ivan chased Torris into a labyrinth. He held on to his jacket tighter, for the wind was mildly roaring, and it chilled him to the bone. Ivan still smiled because he knew that Torris was cold and weakened, so it would've been easy to find him.

"I'll shut you up alone again~ In that castle made with toy blocks. Come on, I want to hear you sing. Please sing for me~"

_I__'__ll__shut__you__up__alone__again,__in__the__castle__made__with__bones.__Now,__I__want__to__hear__you__scream.__Go__on__and__scream__at__me._By now, Torris was cornered by Ivan. Ivan's shadow scared Torris, because it towered so high above him. Ivan grabbed Torris's hair and drug him to a different cell.

"Here is some new tea, and this time there's orange jam in it~ I threw the silver teaspoon against the wall~"

_Here__is__some__new__blood,__and__this__time__there__'__s__a__blonde__friend__for__you.__I__threw__the__skeletal__corpse__against__the__wall._Ivan tossed Torris in a cell with his (Torris) old friend, Felix. Both of them were badly beaten up. Ivan just smiled and slowly closed the door.

"_Please__sing__for__me__later~._ Bye Bye~"

**1- Uncle = General Winter**

**2- What the actual meaning of the lyrics are.**

**Yes,****I****understand****that****this****is****a****REALLY****creepy****song,****but!****This****was****a****request****by****Eevee****Blossom.****I****had****a****hard-ish****time****thinking****of****what****to****write****about****this****song,****because****I****couldn****'****t****find****a****music****video****for****it.****Thanks****for****the****challenge~****Reviews****are****accepted****and****highly****encouraged!****I****guess****this****is****just****in****time****for****Halloween****3****Please****review~**_**Please**____**sing**____**for**____**me~.**___**Kikiarachan****out~.**


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